A room full of drinks starts to talk among itself again after four minutes of a birthday speech. Tell one great story instead of six bland ones. The speech should end right before the audience is expecting it to.
We ask who is in the room, what sentiments are off limits around what relatives, and how much of a roast the birthday person will actually appreciate versus how much of a roast the birthday person actually has to take.
A joke is situational. Whether the story about the police station is funny depends on where the audience members are sitting, how long ago the event occurred, and whether her mother has heard the joke before. A writer formulates those answers. If anything is working only from the prompt, then you are provided with the joke that bombs.
Generated birthday speeches are compliment heavy. Phrases like “one in a million” make up the majority of the speech. The speeches miss opportunities to include special moments, like Tuesday. There’s also no mention of the name of the family dog or any moment that makes a room laugh. The speeches are void of specific details.
We ask a series of short response questions. You choose your best of three stories, two examples of their favorite sayings, one thing everyone likes to tease them about, and one thing that is off limits. The speech will be built around the chosen story and kept at your typical vocabulary level in order to emulate the speech pattern and word choices of you speaking conversationally at a table.
This pass tackles difficult jokes and punches down the biggest laugh to the next-to-last line, allowing for some dramatic sincerity at the end. Timing for this draft is a breeze at speaking pace. The only textual differences will be the cue cards, which will mark punchlines for the rushing audience.
One rate, whatever the format: $10 per 100 words. You are paying for the writer’s time and judgement, so the price scales with the words rather than with a package tier.
| Typical birthday speech | Words | Writing | Fee (1%) | You pay |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Toast (2 minutes) | 260 | $26 | $0.26 | $26.26 |
| Speech (5 minutes) | 650 | $65 | $0.65 | $65.65 |
| Milestone speech (8 minutes) | 1,050 | $105 | $1.05 | $106.05 |
The writer receives 100% of the writing price. Our 1% fee is added on top of it, and 0.5% is donated to tree planting. Full pricing breakdown.
Every format is priced identically: $10 per 100 words plus a 1% platform fee. A 650-word birthday speech comes to $65.65. There is no research surcharge, no rush tier and no minimum retainer.
Up to 3 days. The writer has to read around the subject before writing it, so we quote honestly rather than promising an hour. If your deadline is tighter, say so in the brief and we will tell you before you pay whether we can meet it.
Let us know which ones are sweet and which are really about their worst year. The writer decides whether or not to publish the story by asking if the birthday person can tell the story to their colleagues at work and not regret it by lunchtime.
Yes. A beat version is the outline of the presentation, and the key points of the speech are filled in for you, and the remaining points are filled in with prompts. So you have the basics of the speech and the prompts to help you fill in the rest for confident speakers who freeze when trying to read word for word.
Completely. Copyright transfers to you on delivery, with no attribution requirement and no licence back to us. Nothing written for you is resold, repurposed or republished.
Reviews from completed, paid orders in this category.
For my dad’s eightieth, I wanted him to have a short story written based on an old famliy vacation from 1974. I was not expecting a literary masterpiece since I just needed something to read to the family after dinner. However, there is a part where he breaks a deckchair and I didn’t even include that and it is just perfect.
My voicemails have bordered on the rambly side while my sentences have been fragmented. Your speech has referenced four of my voicemails, and you even quoted them verbatim. Granted, you didn’t even touch the other voicemails and sentences. This blatant disregard is how you should prioritize and frankly is the ratio you should have.
Project it to fifty people in a barn with terrible acoustics. Short. One idea each. It reached the back. I’ve since learned this was done with intention and was not just a matter of luck.
We do not ask you to take the no-AI promise on trust. Each draft is run through these platforms and the reports are attached to your delivery email.
Originality.aiAI detection + plagiarism
GPTZeroAI detection
TurnitinAI detection + similarity
CopyleaksAI detection + plagiarism
Winston AIAI detection
ZeroGPTAI detection
SaplingAI detection
Content at ScaleAI detection
Send the brief, get a human draft back within 3 days. No account, no subscription, no AI.
$10 per 100 words · all of it to the writer · 0.5% to trees